I have nothing to write about. I have some story ideas, but the truth is, I really don’t want to write them. They aren’t bad ideas, but somehow, at this point, I can’t get going with them. I started one a few days ago. It was something that has floated around in my head for a while. I gave it a quick write touching on the highlights, something I usually do, and looked it over. My reaction was, “I don’t want to write this.” Now, I don’t even remember what it was about. I have several of those. False starts saved on my computer waiting there for me to return some day and say, “Oh yeah. I can do something with that. But for now, they just hang there like a dog abandoned at the internet gas station hoping that every car will be the master returning for the rescue. And occasionally I do open the folder, and the story begins to look expectantly. I open the file and the story begins to pant with expectation. Then, I close it all down again and the story stands wide eyed, abandoned, and confused as to why I don’t love it anymore.
Why write? Really. Why write? Especially fiction. Once at an Ozarks Writing Project session a writer commented that she didn't write fiction because she wanted to get paid for her work. Writing fiction pays less than writing blogs. OK, about the same. So why do it? Why am I sitting here plugging away at this instead of outside cleaning up my garden and getting it ready for spring?
I guess at this point I should be giving an answer. I tell my composition students to not ask questions that won't be answered. OK. I write because I have no voice. Sure, I have a physical voice. It is nasal with an Ozarks accent. My students all know it. My wife knows it. Even my three legged cat recognizes it. But it takes more than noise to have a voice. It takes more than words. To plagiarize and paraphrase Willie Nelson, you can't write a story if you ain't got nothing to say. I write because I got all this stuff inside that just won't come out at the family gathering. For example on the "about me" of this site. I start off with I am a Christian. Why is it important for me to say that? Because, it is the basis of who I am. My whole world view is wrapped up in that. Yet, for me to put it in words makes me realize that a lot of people who see this will not know quite how to take it because their understanding of what that means and mine may not be the same. So I write from my worldview. Not in a Christian religious sense. My first published piece is a historical fiction about a Buddhist, and I wrote it with respect for the characters. I write from my worldview in sense of the brokenness of mankind. As my friend Brian once said, "We are all just broken people trying to act normal." It is within that framework of brokenness that we find ourselves traveling through our day by day existence. It is from that framework of brokenness that we seek an inner peace. A reason to fit. Christianity helps to deliver that for me. And by declaring my worldview others may be given the courage to declare their worldviews, even if they are not the same as mine. And my worldview is all about the brokenness of the human race. There are no words to put this sense of brokenness into an essay or a research paper without separating it from human nature and making it into some sort of sterile analysis of psychological behaviors. With fiction I can write about our brokenness without trying to fix it. It can be explored for what it is, the core essence of humanity. Writing about our brokenness helps me to have a voice, and maybe somebody somewhere will read something I have written and say, "Yes. I can relate to that." With fiction, we can stare our humanity in the face and, if just for a moment, see ourselves and know who we are, and that we are not alone in our broken natures. Sometimes the payoff is greater than cash. |